Essay writer’s name___Patrice______________ Peer’s name___O’Brien__________

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I felt like she did a good job of organizing her paper to get her message across, like in the beginning when she starts off my giving a synopsis of the story line, which makes it easy for those who haven’t really seen the movie

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
Yes indicating to readers that there is more to the Notebook than just a sappy movie

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Those who like the Notebook and or any one who’s curious about the movie

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
To any one who is searching for true love

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. the intro summarizes the story for the reader making it easy to catch on

b. she pick specific parts in the movie to make references and that really helps those who have seen the movie relate better.

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
That any one can find true love

Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
yes

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES NO Par. 5 YES NO
Par. 2 YES NO Par. 6 YES NO
Par. 3 YES NO Par. 7 YES NO
Par. 4 YES NO Par. 8 YES NO

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
yes

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
Yes all facts are interetsing

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
Yes the essay is clear

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
yes

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
yes

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?
I don’t know who she could have interviewed because it’s really an opinion question

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
I don’t know who she would interview

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
the movie, the novel, other reviews

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
yes

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES NO
d. Comments:

Essay # _____

Writer _Patrice______________________ Peer Respondent ____O’Brien___________________

Instructions: Listen to the essay carefully. Take at least two minutes after the reading to complete the following notes, and then share your reactions orally with the writer. Submit the completed form to your teacher at the end of the Peer Response activity.

(+) What works? (praise)
-the does a good job of describing to the reader a summarized version of the plot without giving away what happens in the movie.
- It flows pretty well
-she breaks it down into scenes which helps the audience or reader relate to what she’s saying to the specific part in the movie.
-the beginning gets the readers to want to read more

(-) What Doesn’t (polish)
-gets repetitive at times

Essay # 3

Writer Patrice Bendig Peer Respondent Altea Shehu

Instructions: Listen to the essay carefully. Take at least two minutes after the reading to complete the following notes, and then share your reactions orally with the writer. Submit the completed form to your teacher at the end of the Peer Response activity.

(+) What works? (praise)

—The beginning draws the readers in.
—Summary of the movie right away.
—Shows how the flashbacks work.
—The chemistry described.

(-) What Doesn’t (polish)

—Less summarizing.

(?) Questions?

—What is the big opinion you have?
—So you want to reference the book maybe?

It depends. If you are not naturally into hearing topics like this one, you might not be interested, but for someone who is a strong believer in these types of things, you will gain very devoted readers.
2. Are my points clear and easy to understand to readers?
yes

3. Does my conclusion and introduction connect with the audience?
Only with an audience that likes the type of essay. I would write something a little more personal if you want people to be able to relate to it

Essay writer’s name__ Patrice Bendig _ Peer’s name____Kristina Afrides___

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I wasn’t sure what to think about it. I was worried that it would be a dull story on an organization with little feeling and only sentences boasting the organization.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
Raise awareness of literacy issues.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
People who are really interested in the turn this country has experienced.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Anyone who is interested in this topic.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. topic

b.words

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Literacy is very important and is way too forgotten about in the United States.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
yes

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? unsure
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
I’m sure that people who are interested in the topic would find it interesting, but I would have liked to understand it from a more personal point of view and I would have liked to hear more of your feelings rather than just facts and mission

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?
It is a paper about what the organization is like.

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
He works there

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
yes

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments: try to fit a little bit of your own reflections in there. We understand that you like the organization because if you didn’t you wouldn’t write good things about it, but explain why it has become so important to YOU.

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES* NO Par. 5 YES* NO
Par. 2 YES*NO Par. 6 YES* NO
Par. 3 YES*NO Par. 7 YES* NO
Par. 4 YES* NO Par. 8 YES* NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes She was very informative and detailed of how jumpstart works and hpow involved she was.

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES* NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES* NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES* NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES* NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
None
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
she had a review of what one of the mothers thought about it
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
Her own experience
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES* NO
b. Present the thesis? YES* NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES* NO
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES* NO
b Provide something new to think about? YES* NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES* NO
d. Comments:

Essay writer’s name Patrice Bendig Peer’s name Liz Perez

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.

I think that it is fantastic that the author is so involved in helping the community.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?

Demonstrates the importance of education.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?

Any one that is interested in community service and education.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

To college students.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. I liked the beginning statement; it was very powerful.

b. The author wrote with passion of conviction.

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.

The Jumpstart organization is a service that prepares children in preschool to be equip with the necessary writing and literacy skills for kindergarten and beyond.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:

Yes

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?

Karen Ercollino, a mother of a boy in the program.
Laura Ross, a team leader.

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information
These people are familiar with the organization.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

Her experience working there.

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?

Yes.

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.

Helping children, oh joy.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?

Shows why you should teach children.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?

College students that may be dealing with children.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

To college students.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. The thesis statement.
b.

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.

The Jumpstart organization is a service that prepares children in preschool to be equip with the necessary writing and literacy skills for kindergarten and beyond.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:

Yes

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?

Karen Ercollino
Laura Ross

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

They are familiar with the organization.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

Her experience working there.

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?

Yes.

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

Essay writer’s name_____ Patrice Bendig_________ Peer’s name______Suchart________

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Well it is another good life lesson story
Very impressive organization that help children.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
Yes

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Everyone

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Parents, Chilren

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a.

b.

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.

The Jumpstart organization is a service that prepares children in preschool to be equip with the necessary writing and literacy skills for kindergarten and beyond..

Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
Yes

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
Yes

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
Yes

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
Yes

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
None

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?
The organization

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:

Essay writer’s name______Patrice _____ Peer’s name______________Joseph____________

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I was happy, and interested

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
To try to encourage others to help those that need it.

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Students, teachers.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
College students, and yes because the program Jumpstart has Corp members that are college students.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a.

b.

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Jumpstart is an organization that is working with preschoolers and families all across the nation to increase awareness of literacy and to bring reading and writing into the everyday lives of a child.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
Very straight forward thesis.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES NO Par. 5 YES NO
Par. 2 YES NO Par. 6 YES NO
Par. 3 YES NO Par. 7 YES NO
Par. 4 YES NO Par. 8 YES NO

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
The whole essay is very informing and does a great job of explaining every aspect of the program.

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
A little more information on the history wouldn’t hurt.

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?
There was a personal testament from a mother

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
First hand experience.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
http://www.jstart.org

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO
d. Comments:
Again very strong thesis.

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES NO
d. Comments: