Here is my essay on Unit two.
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Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name Patrice Bendig Peer’s name Altea Shehu
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
The organizations seems like it really helps children. Might pull in people to volunteer for such a good cause.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
Shows the importance of teaching children early on.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
College students that might deal with younger generations.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
To college students.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. thesis statement.
b. the tone of the essay.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The Jumpstart organization is a service that prepares children in preschool to be equip with the necessary writing and literacy skills for kindergarten and beyond.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Karen Ercollino, a mother of a boy in the program.
Laura Ross, a team leader.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
They know the organization.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
Her experience working there.
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes.
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name: Patrice Bendig | Peer’s name: Tiffany Cioffi
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I loved the title. The first paragraph is also very interesting, and I feel that it sets the tone for the rest of the essay.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
Informing people about the college’s Jumpstart program.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Just as Patrice states below, college students – mainly females.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
“My target readers are anyone college age or above, since the corp members are college students and issues of children usually deal with older generations. Females, at any class in any location can relate to this story because they usually have a close relationship to children, any race is acceptable.”
Yes, this is the appropriate audience for her chosen topic.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a.
b.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The Jumpstart organization is a service that prepares children in preschool to be equiped with the necessary writing and literacy skills for kindergarten and beyond.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
There were none.
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
None.
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
None.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Karen Ercollino
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
Her son, Michael is enrolled in the Jumpstart program.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes.
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name_____Patrice___________ Peer’s name______Richard__________
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I liked it, in informed me a lot on the topic and I even went on the website because I saw others wearing clothing from the organization.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
*YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
It informs while pulls people to look into the organization.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone willing to help a child.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Teenagers
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. details included
b.tone
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
There is one organization that is working with preschoolers and families all across the nation to increase awareness of literacy and to bring reading and writing into the everyday lives of a child.
Is the thesis specific enough? *YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 *YES NO Par. 5 *YES NO
Par. 2 *YES NO Par. 6 *YES NO
Par. 3 *YES NO Par. 7 *YES NO
Par. 4 *YES NO Par. 8 *YES NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes she has
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? *YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
*YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? *YES NO Comment:
Yes it is
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? *YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Members of the organization
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
They are also involved with the organization
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
own experiences
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes they are
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? *YES NO
b. Present the thesis? *YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? *YES NO
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? *YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? *YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? *YES NO
d. Comments:
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name_Patrice Bendig__________ Peer’s name__Kanwal Jehan_____
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I thought it was very well written and very informational.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES *NO What do you see as that purpose?
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone who plans to join any organization.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Girls and Boys both. College students.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. I am proud to say I am part of this endeavor to increase childhood literacy
b. Family involvement is a crucial part of the Jumpstart Program. It emphasizes constant, clear communication between parents, educators and the corps members.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The Jumpstart organization is a service that prepares children in preschool to be equip with the necessary writing and literacy skills for kindergarten and beyond.
Is the thesis specific enough? *YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 *YES NO Par. 5 *YES NO
Par. 2 *YES NO Par. 6 *YES NO
Par. 3 *YES NO Par. 7 *YES NO
Par. 4 *YES NO Par. 8 *YES NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes the writer has discussed the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile. Good job.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? *YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
*YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? *YES NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? *YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why? None !
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Mother of a boy in the program, Karen Ercollino,
Team leader, Laura Ross.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
Mother of the boy interviewed.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
YES !
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? *YES NO
b. Present the thesis? *YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? *YES NO
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? *YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? *YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? *YES NO
d. Comments:
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name__ Patrice__ Peer’s name_ Rexhina_
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Showed something that not many people really hear about, it showed how the organization helps people.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
To show the readers that we could help other people in some way.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
everyone
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Young people
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. the intro gets the readers attention
b. details through out the essay
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The Jumpstart organization is a service that prepares children in preschool to be equip with the necessary writing and literacy skills for kindergarten and beyond.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes you understand everything about what the writer is trying to tell us.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Karen Ercolion
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
Her son is in then organization
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name Patrice Peer’s name Louis Moshe Leon
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Interesting
Good for you
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES *NO What do you see as that purpose?
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone interested in teaching young children.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
People interested in dedicating their time to teaching kids in need.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. There is one organization that is working with preschoolers and families all across the nation to increase awareness of literacy and to bring reading and writing into the everyday lives of a child
b. I am proud to say I am part of this endeavor to increase childhood literacy.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
It is an organization that everyone should be aware of, since most people have at least one child close to them in their life. No one wants their own to be left behind, and Jumpstart is stopping that, one book at a time.
Is the thesis specific enough? *YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 *YES NO Par. 5 *YES NO
Par. 2 *YES NO Par. 6 *YES NO
Par. 3 *YES NO Par. 7 *YES NO
Par. 4 *YES NO Par. 8 *YES NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
To a certain extent she has, but leaves much to be desired.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO *SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
None.
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO *UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? *YES NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? *YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
In general I like to see a better scenery in which I could see myself in.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
I would think only her recollection.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
No one.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
No one.
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes, I believe they are.
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? *YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES *NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? *YES NO
d. Comments: Intro was good.
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? *YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? *YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? *YES NO
d. Comments: In general you should put more details and descriptions. Also try and make the paper less your experience and more something people can become interested in. Have them paint a picture in their heads, not simply read a journalistic account.
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name ___Patrice___________ Peer’s name____Phanessa Jean_________
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Very informational
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
Informing on a volunteering program that help kids
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone college students who deals with younger generations
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
anyone college age or above, since the corp members are college students and issues of children usually deal with older generations. Females, at any class in any location can relate to this story because they usually have a close relationship to children, any race is acceptable.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. tone
b. choice of words
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
There is one organization that is working with preschoolers and families all across the nation to increase awareness of literacy and to bring reading and writing into the everyday lives of a child
Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
Yes it is.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes he has. Everything related to those were clear
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why? None of them needs more information.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
The members of the organization
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
They know a lot about the organization
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
the writer’s experiences
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes they are
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES NO
d. Comments:
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name__ Patrice Bendig __________ Peer’s name__Dayna Teague Flynn______
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I never really knew how badly people were addicted to shopping
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
(YES) NO What do you see as that purpose?
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
College students and parents of children who need help in reading and writing
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
College students and parents of children who need help in reading and writing
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. it explains the subject very cleary
b. helps the reader relate to the topic
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
to inform the reader about jumpstart
Is the thesis specific enough? (YES) NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 (YES) NO Par. 5 (YES) NO
Par. 2 (YES) NO Par. 6 (YES) NO
Par. 3 (YES) NO Par. 7 (YES) NO
Par. 4 (YES) NO Par. 8 (YES) NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? (YES) NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
(YES) NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? (YES) NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? (YES) NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
yourself
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
They were able to give their own ideas on the situatoin
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES NO
d. Comments:
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name__Patrice Bending Peer’s name___Lourdes Alexis
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I thought it was very interesting that you chose to write about childhood literacy because truly, it is decreasing nowadays.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
Yes, come up with ways to ameliorate childhood literacy.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Teachers, parents and soon to be parents, adolescents…
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
To anyone, childhood literacy should be everyone’s problem really
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a.
b.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The Jumpstart organization is a service that prepares children in preschool to be equip with the necessary writing and literacy skills for kindergarten and beyond.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES NO
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: Yes everything has been very well covered
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name__ Patrice__ Peer’s name_ Adrienne_
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
This is an interesting paper. I’ve heard about this organization before, but never really knew what it was.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
To show readers the importance of helping others.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone would be interested.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
I think its appropriate for anyone.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a.
b.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The Jumpstart organization is a service that prepares children in preschool to be equip with the necessary writing and literacy skills for kindergarten and beyond.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes. I fully understand what the Jumpstart organization is.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Karen Ercolion
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
She is an appropriate source of information because her son is in the Jumpstart program.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name______Patrice _____ Peer’s name______________Joseph____________
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I was happy, and interested
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
To try to encourage others to help those that need it.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Students, teachers.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
College students, and yes because the program Jumpstart has Corp members that are college students.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a.
b.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Jumpstart is an organization that is working with preschoolers and families all across the nation to increase awareness of literacy and to bring reading and writing into the everyday lives of a child.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
Very straight forward thesis.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES NO Par. 5 YES NO
Par. 2 YES NO Par. 6 YES NO
Par. 3 YES NO Par. 7 YES NO
Par. 4 YES NO Par. 8 YES NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
The whole essay is very informing and does a great job of explaining every aspect of the program.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
A little more information on the history wouldn’t hurt.
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
There was a personal testament from a mother
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
First hand experience.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
http://www.jstart.org
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES NO
b. Present the thesis? YES NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES NO
d. Comments:
Again very strong thesis.
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES NO
b Provide something new to think about? YES NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES NO
d. Comments:
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name_____ Patrice Bendig_________ Peer’s name______Suchart________
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Well it is another good life lesson story
Very impressive organization that help children.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
Yes
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Everyone
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Parents, Chilren
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a.
b.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The Jumpstart organization is a service that prepares children in preschool to be equip with the necessary writing and literacy skills for kindergarten and beyond..
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
Yes
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
Yes
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES NO Comment:
Yes
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
Yes
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
None
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
The organization
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
Helping children, oh joy.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
Shows why you should teach children.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
College students that may be dealing with children.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
To college students.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. The thesis statement.
b.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The Jumpstart organization is a service that prepares children in preschool to be equip with the necessary writing and literacy skills for kindergarten and beyond.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Karen Ercollino
Laura Ross
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
They are familiar with the organization.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
Her experience working there.
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes.
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name Patrice Bendig Peer’s name Liz Perez
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I think that it is fantastic that the author is so involved in helping the community.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
Demonstrates the importance of education.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Any one that is interested in community service and education.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
To college students.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. I liked the beginning statement; it was very powerful.
b. The author wrote with passion of conviction.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
The Jumpstart organization is a service that prepares children in preschool to be equip with the necessary writing and literacy skills for kindergarten and beyond.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
Karen Ercollino, a mother of a boy in the program.
Laura Ross, a team leader.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information
These people are familiar with the organization.
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
Her experience working there.
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes.
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
1. Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name______Patrice _____ Peer’s name______________Jordan____________
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I found it very inspiring and thoughtful
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES NO What do you see as that purpose?
To not only help oneself but to help other people around them.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Adult,Students, Teachers
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Students because Jumpstart has come to campus recruiting people to help children like patrice did
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a.
b.
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Jumpstart is an organization that is thoughtful and dedicated to helping children
Is the thesis specific enough? YES* NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES* NO Par. 5 YES* NO
Par. 2 YES*NO Par. 6 YES* NO
Par. 3 YES*NO Par. 7 YES* NO
Par. 4 YES* NO Par. 8 YES* NO
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes She was very informative and detailed of how jumpstart works and hpow involved she was.
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES* NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES* NO UNSURE If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES* NO Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES* NO
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
None
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
she had a review of what one of the mothers thought about it
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
Her own experience
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
Yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES* NO
b. Present the thesis? YES* NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES* NO
d. Comments:
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES* NO
b Provide something new to think about? YES* NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES* NO
d. Comments:
Written Peer Response
Essay writer’s name__ Patrice Bendig _ Peer’s name____Kristina Afrides___
Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.
*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I wasn’t sure what to think about it. I was worried that it would be a dull story on an organization with little feeling and only sentences boasting the organization.
2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES What do you see as that purpose?
Raise awareness of literacy issues.
*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
People who are really interested in the turn this country has experienced.
4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
Anyone who is interested in this topic.
5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.
a. topic
b.words
*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
Literacy is very important and is way too forgotten about in the United States.
Is the thesis specific enough? YES If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.
*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES
*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
yes
*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.
a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? unsure
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:
I’m sure that people who are interested in the topic would find it interesting, but I would have liked to understand it from a more personal point of view and I would have liked to hear more of your feelings rather than just facts and mission
b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES If not, explain here:
c. Is the information understandable to you? YES Comment:
d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES
List terms that need to be defined here:
10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?
*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.
a. What person or persons were interviewed?
It is a paper about what the organization is like.
b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.
He works there
c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)
d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?
yes
12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES
b. Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments: try to fit a little bit of your own reflections in there. We understand that you like the organization because if you didn’t you wouldn’t write good things about it, but explain why it has become so important to YOU.
13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments:
1. Is my topic interesting to readers?
It depends. If you are not naturally into hearing topics like this one, you might not be interested, but for someone who is a strong believer in these types of things, you will gain very devoted readers.
2. Are my points clear and easy to understand to readers?
yes
3. Does my conclusion and introduction connect with the audience?
Only with an audience that likes the type of essay. I would write something a little more personal if you want people to be able to relate to it